Weak
by blueskies723
Summary: The first book of the Rebecca Turner Series.Instead of Chester Lake, there was Rebecca Turner. No one knows anything about her or the secrets she's hiding, until they involuntarily come out in the open. Author's Note,Disclaimer, and Warning inside.
1. Beginning

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Law and Order SVU characters, but I do own Rebecca Turner and all the other characters created.

Warning: There are eating disorder material in this fanfic. Please read with caution.

Author's Note: There might be a sequel to this. There might even be a Rebecca Turner Series, but then again, I'm not sure. I'm going out of the Law and Order SVU spectrum very soon. So read, and keep your eyes open for a sequel.

Read and Enjoy :)

-blueskies723

* * *

She has never been in New York City before, let alone live there. Once she unpacked most of her things, she started walking to the place where she was going to work.

Rebecca Turner never saw a day like this one; it was actually snowing in May. She walked up the steps to the Precinct and opened the door. Rebecca has never been as nervous in her life as she walked down the wall and entered the elevator. She was going to be a Special Victims Unit detective in Manhattan, and she had no idea what to expect.

She got off the elevator and walked a few steps forward. Before she entered the squad room, Rebecca watched everyone in that room move around. She felt out of place, and she knew that she was going to feel that way at first.

She walked into the squad room. That's when she felt really out of place as she walked through the other people working on a big case and walked to the captain's office. She knocked on his door a few times before she heard him say "Come in". She opened the door and slowly walked in.

"Hi, I'm here for my first day..."

"You must be Rebecca Turner" Captain Cragen said as he got up from his desk and shook her hand "We are very glad to have you here."

"Thank you, sir."

"Before I introduce you to the rest of the team and your partner, I must give you so bad news. Because of the big case, you're stuck on desk duty to help us with the other cases."

"That's fine with me" Rebecca said "I think that's where I should start anyways."

"That has to be the first time I heard that. Come on; you need to meet the rest of the team."

Captain Cragen walked out of his office while Rebecca followed him to the group of people there. She was nervous about meeting these new people. This new job was completely different from what she was used to; Rebecca was used to pulling people over for speeding and car chases. Her boss thought that she needed something new and that Rebecca was good enough for the job, but Rebecca was unsure.

"I'd like to meet our new detective on the squad" the captain said as he waved Rebecca over. She walked over and stood next to the captain "This is Rebecca Turner. Rebecca, meet Olivia, Elliot, Munch and Fin."

"Should I be worried that I'm losing this job because of this case?" Fin asked.

"Actually Fin, she's your new partner since Munch is being promoted."

"Nice to meet you" Fin said as they shook hands "I'm sure we'll get along as partners...you look like a charming woman."

"Thank You" Rebecca said as she blushed. She rarely got compliments.

"Well, the four of you look really busy" the captain said.

"Believe me, we are" Elliot said "The defensive is getting into our personal lives and are making us look bad.""Casey's meeting us here in a few minutes to see what she can do" Olivia said.

"Oh geez, I forgot! Rebecca, Casey is our ADA" the captain said.

"What's an ADA?" Rebecca asked, knowing that it was a stupid question

"Assistant District Attorney"

The group turned around to see Casey standing next to Munch.

"Where the hell did you come from?" Munch asked.

"Well, some of us are faster than others."

"Casey, this is Rebecca Turner" the captain said "She's the new detective in the group."

"Ah, you're the one that I'm going to have to talk to about the paperwork" Casey said as she reached out for a handshake "Nice to meet you."

"Well, I'm going to show Rebecca the place and then show her to her desk."

"Right" Rebecca said "Nice to meet all of you."

Rebecca followed the captain as he showed her the room with the bed. The group looked at each.

"She seems really quiet" Casey commented.

"Unlike you! You were nosy and in everyone's busy" Olivia said chuckling.

"Oh, and we hated you."

"Thanks" Casey said sarcastically "Can we talk about the case now?"

"All right, fine. Let's get down to business" Elliot said.

* * *

Rebecca was one of the few detectives that were still in the squad room late at night. She started the paperwork hours before, but there was too much to catch up to on her first day. She had to ask one of the four detectives about how to complete the paperwork. For Rebecca, it was embarrassing to ask, but the detectives didn't mind.

"Hey"

Rebecca turned around to see Fin walking towards her desk with a paper brown bag. He sat down at his desk, which was right next to hers. Fin reached his arm towards her with the bag in his hand.

"I thought you were hungry after all that paperwork" Fin said.

"Thanks Fin" Rebecca said as she grabbed the bag from him. She opened it up to see Chinese food. Even though she wasn't into Chinese food, she took it out and started eating it. Fin started laughing as Rebecca started eating her food. Rebecca stopped eating and looked at her partner.

"What are you laughing at?" she asked.

"You"

"Why?"

"Because you have the most interesting look on your face eating that" Fin chuckled "I'm guessing that you don't like Chinese food."

"I don't, but I appreciate the offer and I'll finish eating it anyways."

There was a few minutes of silence as Fin was typing on his computer on his desk while Rebecca finished eating her supper. When she threw the remaining trash on her desk, she wanted to converse.

"So what is that case that the rest of you are working on?" Rebecca asked.

"It has to do with this man that I know."

"How do you know him?"

"He was my ex-wife's nephew."

"What's his crime?"

"He shot a woman and a kid" Fin said "What a freaking disaster."

"I'm surprised that you're not supporting him or anything."

"I'm not. He's just a little punk making me look bad" Fin snapped "And it's costing my job at this point. I never liked him, and I never will."

When Fin said his last statement, Rebecca thought that her new partner was angry at her, so she didn't want to start a fight. She just nodded.

"I'm sorry" she said quietly as she looked back at her paperwork. That's when Fin realized that he sounded harsh.

"No, I am. I shouldn't be raising my temper at someone I hardly know."

"It's fine, don't worry about it" Rebecca said.

"Do you like your name Rebecca?"

"Not really, but you can call me Becky instead"

"Fin and Becky" Fin said as he leaned back in his chair "That has a nice ring to it."


	2. Not Perfect

A few days past by and Rebecca was still working on paperwork. At least she got the hang of filing everything, until Casey Novak threw a big vanilla folder on her desk. Rebecca looked up at her; Casey seemed to be the strict, bad ass attorney that no one wanted to deal with.

"I'm only assuming that you want me to do all your paperwork" Rebecca said with a grin on her face.

"That would be nice."

"Not that I had a choice or anything..."

"Hey, I know what it's like to be the new kid" Casey said "And you think 'Everyone hates me because of this, that and the other thing.' Believe me, you haven't seen anything yet."

Rebecca nodded and opened the vanilla folder. Casey's comment reminded her of when Fin snapped at her; she never liked people getting angry at her. Rebecca was a fragile and sensitive woman since she was a child.

"Look, if you need any help with anything, I'll help you" Casey said "I'm not that mean...yet."

Casey walked away and Rebecca sighed. At least Casey Novak wasn't her partner, or else she might as well throw herself off the roof.

* * *

"Hey Becky, want to go out for supper?" Fin asked as he went to his desk and grabbed his cell phone.

"Is this a date?"

Fin started laughing as he shook his head.

"Of course it isn't" he said "Munch and I are going out to eat, we were wondering if you wanted to come."

"I would come with you if Casey didn't give me this bad vanilla folder full of paperwork."

"Come on Becky; take a break and come with us."

"Fine, just let me finish this page."

* * *

"So Rebecca..."

"It's Becky, Munch"

The three of them were sitting at a diner waiting for their food. Fin and Munch wanted to know Rebecca more than the rest of the squad did, but maybe it was because Fin was her partner and Munch was just...well, he was Munch.

"I'm sorry" Munch said "Let me be interrupted by the ex."

Rebecca gave out a small laugh as Fin tried smacking him in the back of the head.

"So Becky, where are you from?"

"I'm from a small town in Maine."

"Wow, so how did you come all the way down here?" Munch asked.

"My boss forced me to work down here."

"I'm guessing that you don't like a lot of change" Fin commented.

"It's completely different here in New York City" Rebecca explained "There are so many buildings, and Manhattan itself is so huge. Not to mention that Special Victims is different work from what I did."

"What did you do up in Maine?" Munch asked

"I was the police officer who would pull you over for speeding."

"Really? Could you give Munch a ticket for his driving on the way here?" Fin asked with a grin on his face. Munch gave him a nasty look.

"I'd have to look into it" Rebecca said smiling "But then again, I don't want another one of my co-workers hating me."

"No one hates you yet" Munch said.

"Just don't do anything stupid" Fin said "And you won't be on anyone's shit list."

"I just feel like Casey hates me."

"She doesn't hate you" Munch said "It's just her nature of being bad-ass."

"I knew that she was that type of person" Rebecca said "Speaking of Ms.Novak, I need to finish her paperwork."

"Our food didn't even come out yet" Fin said.

"Just ask them to put it in a bag and give it to me when you get back" Rebecca said as she got up from the booth "I'm not in a rush to eat anyways."

* * *

Instead of going back to the precinct to finish paperwork, Rebecca went home. She didn't care about the paperwork; she could care less of Casey Novak breathing down her neck to get her paperwork done. It was Casey's paperwork, not Rebecca's paperwork.

She opened the door to the apartment and took her shoes off as she shut the door. She went to check on the phone and saw that someone left a message. Rebecca wasn't too surprised as she heard Casey's voice. All Rebecca could do is roll her eyes as she went into the kitchen.

"Hey Rebecca, it's Casey. I'm just letting you know that I need all that paperwork to put in my files or to use it to prosecute my cases. I need it by tomorrow and I'm sure that once you finish listening to this message, you'll keep on working on that. See you tomorrow, bye."

Rebecca started to laugh as she walked to the phone and deleted the message. Why is she doing Casey's paperwork anyways? She continued to chuckle as she walked into the bathroom and shut the door.

She started to undress as she took the scale out of the closet nearby. Rebecca wondered if she even lost any weight since she got here. She walked up on the scale and saw her number: 145. She sighed as she got off the scale and looked in the full body mirror. She looked at her waist, her legs, her arms and everything else. Rebecca realized that she wasn't skinny enough and that she needed to get her ass in the game. She decided that she would buy a treadmill, but she decided to wait until tomorrow. She put her pajamas on, left the bathroom and went to bed.


	3. Hate

"Rebecca, we need you over here to look at this case."

She looked up to see the captain motioning her to come join her fellow detectives. She still needed to get Casey's paperwork done and she didn't know which one was more important. Well, she did know which was more important, but she decided to ask first.

"Should I ditch the paperwork?" Rebecca asked loudly.

"Yeah, that can wait" the captain said. Rebecca got up and walked over to her co-workers. She stood next to Fin and Munch, since she was comfortable with him.

"So what's the case?" Rebecca said.

"We have a fifteen year old who claims that she was raped" Elliot said "The problem is that we have no evidence claiming she was raped."

"Did you talk to anyone close to her?"

"We talked to her parents" Olivia replied.

"Does she have a boyfriend?"Rebecca asked.

"No"

"Does this girl even have a story?"

Elliot and Olivia started getting annoyed with Rebecca, but tried not to get angry with her.

"Rebecca, this girl is in one of our interrogation rooms as we speak" Olivia said "Why don't you come in with me and hear her story?"

* * *

Rebecca didn't expect to be working with Olivia in the interrogation room. She didn't even think Olivia would bring up the suggestion of being in the same room. Rebecca thought that Olivia was too good for her; hell, she was prettier than Rebecca will ever be.

Olivia was sitting next to the victim while Rebecca was standing against the wall. The girl had sandy brown hair and dark blue eyes. Even the victim looked prettier than Rebecca did.

"Sally, I'm Olivia and this is Detective Rebecca Turner. Can you tell us what happened to you last night?"

"I was walking home from a friend's house" Sally said as she started explaining her story "I was only a few blocks away from my house when this man threw me into the alley next to me. That's where he beat and attacked me."

"Did you see his face?" Rebecca asked.

"No, he was wearing a mask so his face was hidden..."

"Then tell us about his body figure" Rebecca said "Was he tall or short?"

"I guess he was medium height..."

"Was he skinny, normal, or overweight?"

"I don't know!" Sally cried "I didn't see him."

A second later, Elliot opened the door and looked at Rebecca.

"Becky, come in here. I want to talk to you for a minute."

Rebecca walked out of the room while Olivia tried to comfort Sally. When Rebecca was in the viewing room, she already knew that Elliot was angry at her.

"What do you think you're doing?"

"I was asking her to describe her attacker..."

"You were interrogating her! Look at her!" Elliot shouted as he pointed at the window "You're not suppose to be interrogating a victim! You're supposed to be compassionate and patient with victims like her!"

"Well, sorry I'm not like Olivia Benson" Rebecca snapped "Besides, how can we say that she was even raped?"

"The medical evidence proves that she was raped..."

"Or maybe she had consensual sex!" Rebecca said loudly. Elliot shook his head as she started to walk away. He started to pace around until he walked towards Rebecca again.

"You're hard on everyone, aren't you?"

"I pulled over every drunk driver in Maine; of course I was giving them a hard time! Would you like to have drunk drivers only getting a ticket and a slap on the wrist?"

"No, I wouldn't but that's not the point..."

"So I suppose that if I pulled your daughter over again for DUI. Would you try to get her out of it?"

"That's none of your damn concern!" Elliot yelled. His anger got the best of him as slammed his first on the window. He walked out, opened the door, and started screaming profanities in the squad room. Rebecca knew that she shouldn't have said that, but Elliot should have been easier on her. She looked in the window to see that Olivia was walking out of the interrogation. She looked away from the window and started to think about home.

* * *

Rebecca decided to go back home to her apartment for the rest of the day. She couldn't handle being in anyone's presence, not even her own.

She started running on the treadmill and worked out for the longest time she could remember. When Rebecca was burning about 400 calories, she heard her door knock. She slowed her treadmill as she shouted "I'll be there in a minute!" A few seconds later she stopped the treadmill.

When Rebecca got off the treadmill, she started feeling dizzy. She told herself to suck it up as she ran over to the door and looked in the peephole. When she saw who it was at the door, she knew that her day would only get worse as she opened the door.

"I see that you're an exercise freak" Casey said.

"Of course I am" Rebecca said with a weak smile on her face "Police officers need to get in shape, don't they?"

"I guess they do" Casey said "But I'm not here to debate that with you. I believe that you have my paperwork."

"Well, I don't have it at the moment."

"You mean you don't have it here, right?" Casey asked.

"I mean that I never had the time to complete it."

When Rebecca said what she said, she started to see Casey Novak angry.

"What the hell do you mean that you didn't have time to complete it?"

"Well there's this new case and I was talking to a victim..."

"You know, I think I was there when Elliot was swearing in the squad room" Casey snapped "Tell me something, do you like getting people angry?"

"Look, I didn't mean to say what I said to him..."

"Sure you didn't. You just wanted him off your back because he was yelling at you!"

"That has nothing to do with you!" Rebecca said angrily.

"And the damn dog ate my paperwork" Casey growled. Rebecca knew that if Casey got any angrier that she would become a very violent and aggravated ADA "I want my paperwork by tomorrow, or I'll make sure that you work on my paperwork until I retired or fired!"

Casey quickly turned away and stormed down the hallway. Rebecca closed the door and stood against it; that's when she realized that she wasn't good enough.


	4. Secretive

"Becky"

Rebecca never wanted to come to work, but she had Casey Novak's paperwork to do before she became the ADA personal slave. She heard Fin say her name, but she ignored him. She wasn't good enough to be his partner either.

"Come on Becky, don't ignore me now" Fin said in a worried tone as he sat down at his desk.

"I might as well, because you probably hate me too."

"I don't hate you. You might have made Elliot mad, but I still don't hate you. Hell, I don't like him that much anyways."

"You don't?" Rebecca asked as she looked up at Fin.

"We rarely get along" Fin explained "So when he said that you got him angry, I wanted to laugh."

"Well I'm glad someone did..."

"Hey, you've only been here for three or four weeks. Don't give up now."

"I'm about to" Rebecca said "Everyone here but you and Munch hate me, and Casey is going to kick my ass if I don't get her paperwork done."

"Casey may look like a threat, but one of these days you'll see her soft side."

"I think you're going to see me be her personal slave instead."

"Did she say that?" Fin asked.

"You have her visit you at your apartment when you're on the treadmill" Rebecca said as she started to have a smile on her face "It wasn't a pretty sight to see."

"I wouldn't think it would be" Fin said as he gave Rebecca a cup of coffee "Here, I think you need it."

"I'm fine, thanks."

"Becky, it's Munch's famous coffee."

"What's so famous about it?" Rebecca asked

"It really does taste like dirt..."

"Hey! I heard that!"

John Munch walked to their desks and stood in between the desks.

"I'm glad you can still hear at your age..."

"Ha Ha, very funny my friend" Munch said sarcastically. "How are you? I know you haven't been having good times here."

"It's great" Rebecca said cynically "I wish I didn't work here every day."

"Look at that, Munch. It looks like Becky's picking up on your sarcasm."

"I might as well, because nothing is going to get better here. I might as well go back to Maine where I belong."

"Don't be too harsh on yourself" Munch said "Things will get better; it just takes time to adjust to this job."

"That's why it's called Special Victims Unit, because this unit is special."

"I don't think that's what SVU means" Munch said "But I guess your partner has a point, Becky. Just give this place time; you'll get used to it."

"I'll try, but thanks for trying to be optimistic."

* * *

Rebecca was out for an hour trying to find the DA offices. When she was finally there, Rebecca was out of breath. She felt like fainting, but she told herself to get over it. She started walking up the stairs to Casey Novak's office with the completed paper work.

Before she went to knock on Casey's door, she couldn't help but look in to see what her office looked like. It did have some personality, and Rebecca couldn't help but wonder if Casey sincerely hated her or if she was giving Rebecca a challenge. She knocked on the door and heard Casey say "Come in." She opened the door and saw Casey looking at her from her desk.

"I have the completed paperwork, your majesty" Rebecca joked as she shut the door.

"I'm glad that you finally finished it."

"This is a nice office"

"I'm glad to hear that" Casey said "Would you like some coffee?"

"No thanks" Rebecca said

"Are you sure? It's not as bad as Munch's so-called coffee."

"I'm fine, but thank you for offering."

Rebecca turned around and was about to open the door and leave.

"You know, I didn't mean to be such a bitch to you."

Rebecca turned around to look at Casey. It looked like the ADA had a sincere look on her, but she wasn't sure.

"Don't worry about it. I'm used to it."

With her statement, Rebecca opened the door and left Casey's office. Casey couldn't help but wonder why Rebecca was so quiet and didn't want to be close to anyone. Sure, Rebecca had Fin and Munch, but it wasn't enough to get by in that squad. Casey sighed as she looked back down and started writing.

* * *

The next evening, Rebecca became optimistic about her job at SVU. Rebecca and Fin were interrogating a suspect on Sally's rape, and she got the information right out him. The squad decided that she did good work with being tough on suspects, and that it was her special talent. Don't put her near the victims, but Rebecca definitely worked well with Fin on interrogating.

She was home, and she was proud about the work she did. But Rebecca missed home, and she still didn't feel good enough for SVU. She just wanted to disappear back to Maine.

Rebecca did her daily routine of weighing herself, and this time she was furious. She made have lost five pounds, but that wasn't good enough. She shoved the scale back in the closet, put on her exercise clothes and went on the treadmill. She started running and when her body was about to give up, she could only run more. However, she could only do so much with her body. She flew off the treadmill and her body slammed into the wall.


	5. Pain

Rebecca knew she wasn't dead when she heard her apartment phone ring. She slowly got up, even though she was in a lot of pain from hitting the wall. She walked over and picked up the phone.

"Hello?"

"Becky, it's Olivia."

"Hey"

"Are you okay? You don't sound too great."

"I'm fine. Why did you call?"

"You're a little late for work..."

"Shit! Sorry...I'll be there as soon as I can!"

She hung up the phone and ran into the bathroom. This physically pain wasn't going to be with her much longer as she took 4 Advil and started to get ready to go in the shower. When she got into the shower, Rebecca knew that this was going to be a long day.

* * *

Even when Rebecca entered the squad room, she felt the sharp and unbearable pain in her body.

"Becky, are you okay?"

She looked over at Elliot. She nodded as she slowly started walking to her desk and sat down. It felt great to sit down at her desk.

"I'm fine, but thank you for being concerned."

"It doesn't look like you're okay"

"Fine, I'll tell you what happened. Do you know those videos when you see those people fly off of treadmills?"

"I guess so."

"Well, you should have had a video camera with you at my apartment."

"Geez, did you slam into a wall?" Elliot asked.

"Yes, but I'm fine. I already took some Advil" Rebecca said

"Well, if you need anything, just ask."

"I thought you hated me."

"What's up with you thinking that everyone hates you?" Elliot asked as he let out a chuckle "You may have gotten me angry, but I don't hate you."

"I'm glad to hear that."

"Rebecca, there you are!"

Elliot and Rebecca saw Casey walking towards her desk.

"Hi Casey..."

"What the hell happened to you? You look horrible."

"It's calling flying off a treadmill..."

"Are you serious?" Casey asked, trying not to laugh.

"Is there something in that sentence that was funny, counselor?" Rebecca snapped. She didn't mean to be so angry, but she was in so much pain.

"No, I'm sorry. I know that flying off a treadmill isn't a funny matter, and that's not what I wanted to talk to you about."

"Then what do you want to talk about?" Rebecca asked. Elliot excused himself and left the women to talk among themselves.

"I need you at the Vanylyer trial. I need you to testify."

"You want me to testify at a trial that has to deal with the guy I interrogated?" Rebecca asked.

"It's not as hard or scary as you think it is" Casey said as she smiled "You can need to describe what he said to you in the courtroom."

"Great, another first for me."

"Casey and Rebecca! Come over here please!"

They heard the captain and walked over to the rest of the group.

"New case?" Casey asked.

"It's more like a new case of a false police report" Elliot said.

"Why is that?" Rebecca asked.

"Sally seems to think that the same guy who's in jail raped her again" Olivia said.

"That's not even possible!" Casey said "That man didn't even get bail!"

"That's our point, Case" Elliot said

"Is it possible that this girl is confusing people from her rapist?" Rebecca asked.

"That rarely happens" Munch replied "I think you were right the first time, Becky. Maybe she was lying about the rape."

"Elliot and Olivia, I want the both of you to arrest Sally and bring her here" the captain ordered "Rebecca, I'll give you the honor to interrogate her with Olivia after lunch while Casey watches."

The whole separated and while Rebecca was glad that she was being more likeable to everyone around her, she still wished that she was at home.

* * *

Rebecca ran to her apartment for a quick bite to eat when her phone rang. She grabbed the messy sand which that she made and picked up the phone.

"Hello?"

"I thought I would never talk to you again."

Rebecca froze when she realized who was on the other end. It was her ex-boyfriend Thomas, who was still living up in Maine.

"Tom?"

"Hi Rebecca Lynn Turner. How's the big life in New York City?"he asked.

"It's okay. It would be better if you were here with me..."

"Becky, you know that I would be there with you if I could. You know how my job is."

"That's right" Becky snapped "You're the bad ass defense lawyer who doesn't want to move out of state."

"Do you know how hard it is to get a job down there? It's even harder to get your own office..."

"Fine, I don't want to argue. And until you tell me that you're moving down here with me, don't call me ever again."

Rebecca slammed the phone on the receiver and threw her sand which at the wall. She slowly sank to the floor and started to cry. How could Tom possibly call her if he's not going to try to move down with them? They were suppose to get married in a few months but when her boss told her that she was being transferred, everything changed. They started arguing; Rebecca wanted Tom to move with her, but he couldn't leave from his job. So they broke up and Rebecca left him in Maine. She wondered if he found someone new...

She quickly got up and decided to take a long walk back to the precinct. If Tom can't do one simple thing, then Rebecca was going to make Sally's interrogation a second hell.

* * *

"Do you know why I arrested you Sally?" Olivia asked. Instead of looking at Sally, she looked at Rebecca. Her co-worker was pacing around was looked like she was going to blow up.

"I don't know."

"I arrested you because you made a false report with us..."

"What do you mean I made a false report? I was raped!" Sally cried.

"Well you're doing a great job making your story unbelievable, especially the second time around when you said that the same man raped you" Rebecca said angrily "Do you really think that the same man raped you even though he was in jail?"

"He escaped so he could come back and rape me!"

"You're a liar!"Rebecca screamed "How the hell are we suppose to take you seriously when you have different stories coming out of your ass!?"

"Becky..."

"I swear that he came back to rape me!" Sally yelled as she got up from her seat.

"Let's face it Sally, you're nothing but a whore!"

Suddenly, the door swung open.

"Rebecca, in here...now!" the captain barked. Rebecca stormed out of the room and saw Casey and the Captain giving her annoyed looks.

"You don't talk to the suspect like that, especially when she was a victim."

"Yeah, well that victim is giving us a lot of shit" Rebecca snapped.

"Do you really think we're going to have her recant now after what you just said to her?" Casey asked angrily "Now she's not going to tell us anything!"

"Well too bad for you counselor, I was just doing my job..."

"And you're doing a shitty job doing it!"

Rebecca lunged at Casey and was about to punch the ADA in the face. Luckily, the captain got in between them and stopped Rebecca from doing anything violent. He pushed her gently away and gave her an angry and disapproving look.

"Detective, I'm going to suggest that you take the rest of the day off!"Captain Cragen said loudly "And when you come back here tomorrow, you better have your act together, are we clear?"

"Yes Sir" Rebecca said quietly as she left the room.


	6. Defensive

"Becky!"

She knew that Fin was calling her, but she didn't want to be confronted. She hated confrontations ever since she was a teenager and fifteen years later, she still hated them. Fin ran and caught up to her.

"Becky, what the hell was that back there?"

"If you think you're going to get in my head, think again."

Rebecca was about to get on the elevator when Fin grabbed her by the arm.

"What?" Rebecca screamed

"Come on Becky; calm down" Fin said

"No, I won't calm down but I am going home. Don't bother me until I come back her tomorrow."

With that Rebecca was able to get out of Fin's grip and ran into the elevator.

* * *

Rebecca was even more furious when she found out that she was only 136 pounds. She threw the scale at the wall and ran to the treadmill. She pushed herself to the point where Rebecca passed out on the floor for the night.

* * *

Rebecca was stuck doing paperwork for the day since she bashed the suspect with her words. Even when she was working, she couldn't concentrate. The words were becoming a blur and she felt like she was going to faint in her chair.

"Are you all right champ?" Fin asked as he sat down at his desk.

"I'm fine. I just had a rough night."

"I brought your favorite dish at the diner."

"I'm not hungry" Rebecca said as she looked back down at the paperwork. She hasn't eaten much since she moved here and that's how it was going to say.

"Come on Becky, you need to eat something..."

"Didn't I just tell you that I'm not hungry?" Rebecca snapped "Geez, doesn't anyone know anything in this damn place?"

Rebecca got up, grabbed the paperwork, and walked out of the squad room. Munch was on his way to Fin's desk when he saw Rebecca leave.

"What's up with her?" Munch asked

"It must be that time of the month, because she's being a real bitch...no offense to her or anything."

"I don't think she's being offensive, I think she's being defensive."

"What the hell are you talking about?" Fin asked.

"Well, didn't you give her the food from the diner?"

"Yeah, and she started getting snappy at me."

"That's what we call a defense" Munch explained

"But why is she being that way?"

"You'd have to ask Huang that question, because I'm not a psychologist."

"With you talking so intelligently, you should be."

* * *

Rebecca was sitting outside on the steps of the precinct. She received odd looks, but she didn't care. She didn't care about anything these days; all she cared about was going home. Rebecca was thinking about leaving here and going back to Maine, maybe Tom didn't find another girl to fill the void. She saw Casey walking her way, but Rebecca decided to ignore her.

"This is a weird place to be working" Casey commented as Rebecca slowly looked up at her.

"Yes, because they kicked me out of the building" Rebecca said sarcastically.

"I see that someone inherited Munch's sarcasm. What's going on, Becky?"

"Nothing"

"I think something is bothering you if you almost attacked me yesterday..."

"Look, I'd love to talk about my personal life and how much it sucks, but can you leave me alone?"

"Fine."

Casey started walking up the stairs, but she couldn't help but turn back to Rebecca. She was lonely and depressed, but Rebecca was taking it out in anger, and Casey couldn't help but wonder if she was hiding something.

* * *

A few days later, Rebecca's eating disorder was getting the best of her. When her alarm clock woke her up, she could barely get out of bed. And when she got out of bed at the beginning of that July day, she started shivering. She knew that she was in trouble, but she didn't. Hell, if no one cared about her then why would she care about herself?

She walked into the bathroom to take a shower, but before she did that she looked at herself in the mirror. Rebecca looked so fragile after so much weight for her size. Her arms and legs were almost non-existent and her waist showed her rib cage. Rebecca didn't think that it was good enough; she was still too fat. She started to cry as she walked in shower and asked herself when she could go back home.

* * *

Rebecca was walking up the steps to work when she felt dizzy. She started to stumble, and she wondered if this was the end. Olivia and Casey were right behind her when she was stumbling up the steps.

"Does she look okay?" Olivia asked.

"She could be drunk" Casey joked.

"At this rate she might as well be drunk."

Suddenly, they saw Rebecca faint at the top of the steps. Olivia and Casey ran to her.

"Casey, take out your cell phone and call for an ambulance. I think she fainted!"


	7. Worry

Rebecca knew that no one would be there when she woke up, but when she opened her eyes she knew that she was wrong. Fin was sitting in a chair near her bed.

"Fin, Is that you?"

"Yeah, it's me Becky."

"I'm surprised that you're even here" Rebecca whispered "After I act so..."

"Don't worry about it. You're my partner, I have your back."

"Thanks"

"You have me worried though" Fin said in a concern tone. Rebecca has always seen the funny and humorous side of Fin, and now she was going to see the serious side of him.

"I know, and I'm sorry."

"The doctors are saying that you have an eating disorder and if you don't gain any weight or see a therapist, you're going to end up staying in this hospital longer than you currently will be."

"When did they say that I could leave?" Rebecca asked.

"They want to see if there are any issues, since eating disorders tend to do that. They said that you can leave tomorrow night if there aren't any problems."

"That's good to hear."

"What's going on Becky? I mean, why are you doing this to yourself?" Fin asked.

"It's complicated, Fin."

"Do you know what's really complicated, girl? I'm confused about why you're in this hospital in the first place."

"Wait a minute, who brought me here?" Rebecca asked.

"Olivia and Casey saw you faint on your way into the building. Ah great, the captain's calling me in. I'll visit you later, Becky."

"All right, see you later Fin."

Fin got up, left the room and flipped open his cell phone. Rebecca couldn't help but breathe out the word "Shit", because she knew that when she went back to work that those two women will be interrogating her about the incident.

* * *

She didn't want to get up for work that morning, but she had no other choice. When she walked into the squad room, it felt like everyone was watching her every move. She sat down and logged on to her computer when Olivia walked over.

"Hey Becky, how are you feeling?" Olivia asked.

"I'm fine."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes"

"That's good to hear. Listen, Casey and I were wondering if you wanted to go out to lunch with us later."

"Sure" Rebecca said quietly.

"Great, did you get the last of the paperwork from the last case?"

"I was just working on that right now"

"All right, I'll guess I'll come back to get you and Casey at around noon" Olivia said "Elliot and I have to talk to a victim and her family."

"Okay, have fun."

Olivia turned around and walked towards Elliot. Rebecca wanted to hide under her desk for the rest of the day, because the last thing Rebecca wanted was to go out to lunch with Olivia and Casey.

When Fin walked over, he knew that Rebecca was uncomfortable about something.

"Are you all right, Beck?"

Rebecca looked up at Fin and shook her head.

"Yes, I'm fine."

"You know, if you keep on lying like that you're going to have a long nose like Pinocchio."

Rebecca giggled at Fin's statement as Fin smiled.

"Fine, I'll tell you what's wrong since you're my partner in crime" Rebecca said "Olivia just asked me out to lunch with her and Casey."

"What's so bad about that?" he asked.

"Fin, they're going to confront me about my faint out this building! I don't want them to know about my eating disorder. I don't want them to know about anything."

"So this secret is just between us?"

"Yes, and I'd like to keep it that way"

"You could ditch the girls and go out to lunch with Munch and me" Fin suggested.

"I'm not sure..."

"Becky, that's the only other choice you have."

"Are you going to force feed me my food?"

"No, but I am worried for you. You're my partner, and I don't want you to go in a bad direction."

"I appreciate that you're concerned about me, but I can take care of myself."

* * *

Rebecca left the precinct before Olivia came back from her work. She started to walk around and was about to grab a cup of coffee when she heard her cell phone go off. She flipped open her phone and answered it.

"Turner."

"Becky, this is Novak and Benson. Where the hell are you?"

"I'm at home..."

Rebecca heard Olivia said "What do you mean she's at home?" She was standing outside the diner and wondered if skipping her lunch date with them was a mistake.

"Becky?"

"Sorry, I zoned out" Rebecca said.

"We're letting you know that we see you outside the diner."

"Fine, where are you?"

"We're across the street from you. Bye."

Casey hung up and Rebecca saw them seconds later in Olivia's police car. Rebecca looked both ways and walked over to the car. Olivia rolled down her window.

"You two love harassing me, don't you?" Rebecca joked.

"We really do love harassing you" Casey said "Get in the car; we're going to get some lunch."

* * *

The three women were sitting at the diner eating their food. Actually, Casey and Olivia were eating their food while Rebecca was drinking her water. She felt uncomfortable in this situation, and wished that she took the offer to eat lunch with Fin and Munch.

"Look, I know why the both of you dragged me for a lunch date" Rebecca said "You just want the truth out of me."

"We're just worried about you" Olivia said.

"Well I'm fine..."

"If you were fine, you wouldn't have fainted and ended up in the hospital" Casey said.

"Did it ever occur to you that I might have been drunk?"

"We were thinking about that at first, but then we realized that it was worst than that."

"Well, I was drunk."

"You know, you're not a very good liar" Casey said "The doctors told us that you weren't drunk..."

"Look, I don't want to talk about!" Rebecca said as she got up from the table "You may think you can get anything about me out, but you need to realize that you can't. I need to go..."

"Becky wait..."

But before Casey and Olivia could stop her, Rebecca left the diner. Olivia sighed.

"I know how worried you are" Casey said.

"I can't help but wonder if it's something worst than what I think it is."

"I'm wondering if she has an eating disorder..."

"Casey, you're a lawyer and know nothing about that. How can you tell?"

"It's not rocket science, Liv. When I went to her apartment, she was in exercise clothes. She was in pain when she flew off the treadmill and yet she was still able to deal with it" Casey explained "And have you ever seen her eat?"

"I guess you have a point. Is there anything we can do?"

"We could lock her up in one of the interrogation rooms until she talks to us."

Olivia gave Casey a serious look.

"We need to think of a better solution, because she's only going to attempt murder if we keep her in there with us" Olivia said.

"Fine, I think I have another idea anyways..."

"What is it?"

"It's for me to know and you to find out after the fact" Casey replied.

"You're a sneaky lawyer, Case."

"I'm just a sneaky person in general, what can I say?"


	8. Revealing Truths

After Rebecca's fainting incident, Captain Cragen forced Rebecca to be on desk duty for two weeks. She was jealous of Fin and Munch going out and investigating cases. "Maybe if I didn't screw up, I would still have my job instead of doing this stupid paperwork" she thought as she started writing.

"See you later, Becky" Fin said as he waved to his partner. Rebecca watched him leave the squad room with Munch and sighed. A few seconds later, she saw Casey walking towards her desk and Rebecca couldn't help but think that the worst was yet to come.

"Hey Becky"

"Look, if you're trying to force me talk for the hundredth time..."

"I'm not. I'm behind on some of my paperwork" Casey said with a friendly smile on her face "I was wondering if you wanted to help me do some of it."

"I'm not sure" Rebecca said "The last time I did your paperwork, you were about to make me your personal slave."

"That was when you first started working here. Believe me; I won't make you my personal slave, and you know that."

"I'm not sure if I can."

"Are you behind on your own paperwork?" Casey asked.

"No...I guess if you really want me to help you, I can."

"Thanks, that means a lot. I'll be back later with it."

"All right, see you then" Rebecca said.

Casey started walking out of the squad room. When she was in the elevator, she took out her cell phone and texted Olivia.

* * *

"So she's helping you with your paperwork. So what?" Olivia asked as Casey opened a file drawer and looked for her unfinished paperwork.

"If she helps me with my paperwork, she has to come back to my office."

"That doesn't mean that she's going to talk to you, Casey."

"I wasn't going to force her to talk" Casey said "I was going to explain my story."

"What story?" Olivia asked.

Casey shut the file drawer with a folder in her hand. Casey looked at the folder and then looked back up at Olivia.

"I had an older sister, Allison. She was three years older than me, and when she was sixteen she went down the road to an eating disorder" Casey explained "Everyone tried to help her, including myself. Except she didn't care about everyone around her; she only cared about how much she weighed and what size jeans she was wearing. When she was twenty four, she died from that eating disorder."

"Casey, I'm so sorry..."

"Please don't be sorry" Casey said "Her death may have happened nine years ago, but I still haven't gotten over my sister's death."

Casey quickly walked out of her office, and Olivia wondered why Casey never talked about anything personal without being confronted.

* * *

Rebecca never liked walking in New York City at night. She always thought that something bad might happen to her, and she felt safer when she walked into the DA offices. She saw Casey's bike, meaning that the ADA was still here.

A few minutes later, Rebecca got off the elevator and walked towards Casey's office. She decided not to knock on the door and walked in. Casey looked up and smiled at Rebecca.

"I see that you're just like Olivia now. She never knocks on my door either."

"Well, I figured that you needed your paperwork as soon as possible" Rebecca said as she handed Casey the folder "I thought that a knock on your door would waste time."

"Thanks. Would you like any of my coffee?" Casey asked.

"Sure, why not" Rebecca replied. Casey was surprised that Rebecca wanted to stay to drink her coffee. Casey got up from her desk and started making the coffee.

"I think you're going to find that my coffee doesn't taste like dirt."

"I hope so. Why is it that Munch makes the coffee anyways?" Rebecca asked.

"I'm not sure. Maybe I should be making the coffee for them."

She turned on the coffee machine and sat down at her desk. Rebecca sat down in the chair in front of Casey's desk.

"I'm surprised that you're not questioning me like you did yesterday."

"It's not worth it" Casey said "But I will say that you need help."

Rebecca had a questioning look on her face. She wondered if Casey knew anything or if she was just bluffing to get her to talk.

"What do you mean?"Rebecca asked.

"Becky, I know that you have an eating disorder. I know all the classic routines" Casey explained "My older sister Allison had the same eating disorder."

Rebecca didn't know what to say. She didn't expect the bad-ass District Attorney to understand her condition, but she did. Casey got up and brought the pot of coffee over and placed it on her desk.

"The cups are right behind you on that table" Casey said as she poured her coffee in her mug. Rebecca got up, grabbed a paper cup and sat back down. Casey grabbed her cup, poured her coffee, and returned the cup.

"I didn't expect you to figure everything out" Rebecca said.

"Well if you lived with someone who had it, you know when someone you hardly know has it" Casey said "I didn't expect to deal with this situation nine years later."

"Did she recover nine years ago?"

"No, she died from her eating disorder nine years ago" Casey replied "And I don't want you to end up like her either."

Casey pushed her chair back and opened a desk drawer. After finding what she was looking for, she closed the drawer and pushed her chair closer to her desk. Casey handed Rebecca a small index card with a doctor's name and information.

"I want to recommend someone to you for an outpatient program. He's a great therapist, and I'm sure that he can help you find a nutrition specialist as well" Casey explained "You don't have to call him or not care about me helping you, but I will strongly suggest that you do this for yourself."

"Thanks, I'll consider it" Rebecca said as she put the card in her pants pocket, got up from her seat, and grabbed her cup of coffee "I'd love to stay, but I still have paperwork to do."

"I guess I'll see you tomorrow then."

"Yes, bright and early as always."

* * *

The next day, Olivia opened the door to Casey's office. Casey looked up from her papers when she heard the door open. She shook her head with a smile on her face.

"What are you happy about?" Olivia said as she shut the door and walked over to Casey's desk.

"I'm happy about you because you're a riot."

"Of course I am, I'm your friend" Olivia said "Are you ready to go out to lunch?"

"Yeah, let me just put all of this away..."

"I know about you, Casey."

Casey slightly titled her head and gave Olivia a confused look.

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about your so-called dead sister. You never had a sister, Casey. You were an only child."

"Okay, you caught me" Casey laughed "Are you going to arrest me?"

"No, but I am curious about your real story."

Casey sighed as she closed her desk drawer.

"I was fifteen when I started to wonder if my body size was good for me, but then the stresses overlapped those thoughts" Casey explained "I felt like I wasn't good enough to succeed in life, with the exception of starving myself. I thought that it was my only talent. Two years later, I ended up in the hospital because I passed out and was unconscious from slamming myself in the wall from the treadmill."

"You were in the same situation from the treadmill?" Olivia asked.

"You would think that the situation is a rare occurrence, but it isn't. One of my high school friends was anorexic too."

"I'm assuming that you got the treatment and everything with you is fine."

"I was in an inpatient program the summer before I went to college. You could say that I'm cured, but you can never be so certain. But I know that I haven't had any thoughts about my weight since. I'm completely fine with the way I am."

"And I'm glad that you're fine too. Let's go to lunch."


End file.
